Family Rocks Yoga Rocks

It is amazing what challenges the mind when I miss a day of yoga or meditation or prayer. Ill liken it to 'what happens' when I eat candy...I get a great big rush of energy and then I crash.  I am not 'present' and flounder around at the 'effect' of something I chose that changes who I am when I invite 'IT' in. Sunday, I missed yoga and I took it out on....

monday and engaged in dueling diction; I had words with a dear friend that did not go very well. So what? I decided to challenge myself to a yoga rocks class which is a dynamic series of sequenced postures that seamlessly flow together.This class makes you sweat and burn off toxins and promotes itself as a rock em sock em yoga class. I felt the need to work harder, sweat and bust out the frustration. I was up for the challenge. Aside from feeling feisty I knew this would shake and shift my energy and open me to recieve what I needed to heal the situation.


I set an intention for the class, PEACE. Stepping into the unknown sequences in this class is like going to your first day of kindegarten. One has no idea what to expect. We may feel a little shy so we pay extra close attention or look around a lot to see what others are doing. This reminds me of an incident many years ago when my sister forgot to wear her underwear to kindergarten class one day. That sent the nuns and my mother into a scramble to rectify this little oversight. Noone expected THAT to happen. Today, the memory sends her into hysterics. It's good to laugh!


My words today on the phone call to my friend leave me feeling exposed, like that little girl, no underwear, nothing up underneath me and noone to save me from myself. I would like to delete the day and start all over. I have no peace whatsoever. You can just imagine what I look like in this yoga class with all the residue of anger and frustration going round and round in my brain, hanging on to my story. Limbs flying everywhere. What balance? I am making a universal statement here and when I say that we all get thoughts in our heads, and once in a while hold onto them for dear life and shake them around like a raggedy ann doll. Oh Mad Mind, Manic Mind, Mismanaged Mind and murky mouth. Friends and family are our greatest teachers; There but for the grace of God go I.


The end of class is signalled by stretching our bodies from the mat sitting on the floor. I was in a staff pose, elongating the back and I found the length of my torso quivering, my back not supporting in this very simple sit-up-straight position. This physical workout is designed to create detoxifying heat in the body. The heat helps to losen the blocked energy, much as accupuncture frees up the meridians or access points for chi or life-giving-energy to move through. I could feel the emotions surrounding the telephone incident rising up to meet me, to challenge me and to change me if I would allow. When the energy reached the level of my heart, it felt like a nuclear meltdown of all positions and stories and with it the anger and frustration. The experience felt startling-ly expansive, like taking a nitrogen pill under the tongue when the heart is under attack! Love, liquid grace disolving barriers and absolving wounds leaving only itself in its wake and Peace. Wow, yoga is such a gift!  Listening, letting go and forgiveness even better!

Holding an Edge

Yoga is a discipline that beckons us to dive in and go deep. Whether you are aware of it or not you will “know yourself” if you do this practice for any length of time. I have a better understanding of myself, others and life today thanks to my yoga practice and embracing various psycho-spiritual practices. I admit I have a voracious mental appetite. I love to read. What I've begun to I notice is how I have been carrying myself around like a corn dog on a stick. Kind of stuck up there, if you know what I mean. Yoga, thank God, plucked me out of the air, put me on the ground and gave me a practice to embody the wisdom and walk the talk.

This evening’s class was particularly warm. There was a diverse age group which always feels less threatening to me. The lighting was low and the music was folk inspirational. We are holding a warrior 1 pose, bending deep into the front thigh like a genuflection. The knee doesn’t quite touch the ground, arms high over our head, looking up ...and breathe...still holding...stretching deeper…. burning, quivering... breathing... the teacher is talking to us slowly and deliberately... oh god hurry up...and breathe.... about spirituality which she tells us is a shift in focus. It sounds so simple doesn’t it? Just a shift in focus... oh sugar I can’t hold it...burning and barely breathing....but what distracts us as our body starts to give off signals of distress... Do we stop the pain, drop our focus or just let ourselves “breathe”. SO when the pose is over are we able to let go of that sequence and all the harry parts and flow on to the next one?

This is an extreme workout for me. I find myself in panic and anxiety experiencing a pain that cramps my entire body. I can't catch my breath but I sure catch the drift of this process. Bringing our minds to an awareness of our patterns and habits in stressful situations. Is my first reaction to focus externally on the drama surrounding the pain and emotions or am I able to quietly observe without judging? Is it possible to tolerate a physically awkard situation for just a little while longer?

I am very wobbly in a half moon pose,out of balance and not so sure I can allow myself to just let go and be flexible with the moment knowing a crash landing is imminent. I observe myself controlling everything I do in this class like an athlete with a “do it right” mentality. This I am told is ego. Corn dog on stick shows up in lots of places once you know what you’re looking at. Hard edges, Feeling competitive with myself, with others, Not being good enough, Thoughts of not succeeding, Failing, Falling…. These hard edges I hold are gathered from a lifetime of beliefs and experiences and of course, what I made it all mean. We all store our 'stuff' in cellular memory. Yoga exposes and exfoliates our deeply held emotions associated with “our stuff”.

Further expanding our breath into the crevices between our rib bones and the spaces between our vertebrae we are now making room for other things. A memory surfaces from 15 summers ago when my husband and I took our three children on a picnic in the middle of a summer resort day. We snuck out from a busy schedule, loaded our boat up with food and drink and water rafts, ski ropes, life jackets and children and off we went to our favorite island to picnic and play. Those were the best days and the best memories.  soft edges linger here with this passing memory.

We make choices every moment. In yoga through the poses we get to experience more often than not our hard edges. Those inflexible, stubborn places inside us. SOme memory is triggered, feeling arise and we find ourselves  modifying a pose as the integrity of a muscle or limb or body part is being compromised. Sometimes our edges are letting go and not being so perfect but being kind, listening to our bodies, as we build strength and endurance.
 It is the same with relationships, family dynamics. Compassion, listening and reconsidering our attachments to positions is helpful if we are willing. It may be necessary to modify the places we are standing from if the physical, spiritual or emotional integrity involving our siblings or loved ones or co-workers is being compromised. Letting go, breathing, inward focus, surrendering, leaves me in a wide open space feeling a little like Gumby with wobbly legs. I am on my edge, not knowing more than this moment, right now. Breathe!

Light and Shadow

I am enamored with yoga. It is so much more than a physical workout. It is wise beyond any book I have read. It sharpens the senses and challenges the mind. The essence of the practice is the BREATH, a bridge of awareness from the body, to the mind, to our (my) world. Yoga might sound so cliche to some and while the 'fad' has been around for many years I am just getting around to IT! It is my mentor for the bumps and potholes that blindside me, reminding me that I chose how to get up, get over and get going. Just like that!

Today the theme for class is clarity. I know. What does clarity have to do with yoga? Well, when the mind is clear, holding a pose is not so distracting that we lose our balance and collapse. Some poses wrap our bodies up into a small ball making breathing difficult and trigger past memories or perceptions of a situation. It sounds rather random but with objective awareness its amazing to witness what needs our attention to heal. I call these energetic knots that can block our chi. The energetic life flo. We all experience the lightness of being we carry some days and the darkness of confusion and complications other days. Yoga creates the context for us to notice and experience some of these life patterns and habits and change them if need be.

I had a flash of insight when the teacher expounded on the light and the dark in terms of opposites in yoga. Stretching our limbs way out there in either direction and using opposing muscles squeezing them towards one another creates strength in our core foundation. From this center we create a holistic balance in our lives.

When I was walking the Camino in Spain last November I was coming into a small village in the very early morning. The sun was coming up over the hills and I was just fascinated watching my shadow which was just off to my right side. I thought to myself, wow, the shadow doesn't diminish  the sun. The shadow is just an effect of light at play that seems to block the sun. but In fact, the sun doesn't know whats happening down here at all! Nothing can take away  or add to the Sun. Do you find yourself judging or taking sides when it comes to opposites? Something's good, something's bad, this is right and thats wrong? Yoga teaches me to pause and consider everything and come to think about it, opposites attract!

`Embracing both the light and the dark, opposite dimensions of words and meanings are all necessary and I believe  imperative to thrive and expand possibilities.  Acceptance, even in the form of surrender, loving what is, beautifully expresses the potential being of our divine nature, our authentic selves.
This is yoga. Loving my light and loving my shadow and loving life that always shows me what needs to be embraced, changed or re-considered! 

Feminine Power Extraordinaire

 Feminine Power is the power to create those things which can not be controlled but rather that which our hearts most yearn for. Examples being, love, intimacy, authenticity, radiance, oneness, harmony and wholeness. Indian Mystic Sri Aurobindo says that if there is to be a future it will wear the crown of feminine design. Everyday, men, women and children create and engage feminine powers. It is a way of BEING in relationship to self, life and others. We cant avoid relationships readily but we all have the choice to choose how we show up.

 These musings, writings, witness the play of the life journey through everyday moments, the mundane and the ordinary.  What if we could all experience  a deeper purpose and truth  beyond our perceptions and interpretations of events.  For example.

This morning, I was preparing to go to yoga and getting my grandson ready to spend some time with his Father. The doorbell rang right on time and my grandson with no hesitation walked out the door and down the porch steps.  I was able to observe the scene  as he was 'walked' across the street carefully , holding his Fathers hand  and gently lifted  into his car seat.

The Routine- Data:  Buckle down car seat, put the diaper bag in car, the toddler in the car seat, (toys), in this case the grocery cart in trunk, close the trunk, Dad  gets in car, closes door,  puts on seat belt, starts engine, puts in gear, drives away.
 If you have children you know exactly what I am talking about. You might even see this as the 'ordinary'., gotta do it and can't wait till they're older type of thing. 

 Guy Finley, author, philospher and teacher explains "our perception produces what we experience.  It combines and organizes these individual tasks and connects itself  to them through an expectation or desire" and voila you have an experience now a personal story. (his-story)

Let me suggest to you that life does not happen to us it happens through us. Our true nature is revealed in and through the everyday ordinary moments.   
Its so simple when I dont resist and concoct future scenarios based on past (his)stories.

 That morning, through observing an ordinary happening I  was able to sense and feel another truth; an intimate moment of connection and care. I witnessed a bond of love, trust and  authenticity.  Grace and goodness flowed all around .
This is heaven on earth- heart centered in  peace - the essence of truth.

Life is  a reflection of what we hold inside ourselves. Limiting beliefs or loving space. Its a choice for the best in ourselves and life to show up. This very moment reveals you to you. Taking responsibility as the source for all the happenings in and around us is empowering. Wow, look what I created!! Today ask yourself, "what's going on inside me that has "THIS" showing up.
 Let this moment reveal your truth.
  

 

Saturday My Body

 Today I woke up early for  a slo flow yoga class. Left the house quietly to have a cup of hot coffee at The Whistle Stop, a small corner diner in the neighborhood. The weather turned abruptly cold and windy. . ..  I walked in, sat at the counter and watched as a couple got up after just finishing their breakfast,. He helped her put her coat on. They looked so comfortable in this routine that flowed in slow motion as if it never stops, like them, perpetually together. She turned and smiled at me. It brought me out of my reverie back around to myself sitting alone. My stomach heaved grief for the love that once helped me put my own coat on, pay the bill and take my hand.  I looked away. Staring into my coffee, I thought about the door that I closed and the light that was still on. But "it's ok", it's ok. I sat awhile longer just accepting this and then I thanked the waitress and left for yoga.

 It is my seventh day of yoga to be exact. I set an intention for this class to FEEL. It is warm in the room this morning, cozy and inviting. We begin in childs pose and take form from there. As I feel my body supporting me, stretching areas that dont stretch easily and observe my minds response, I realize how amazing this body is and give THANKS for the gift of body that I am living and experiencing and sensing so fully. I realize too just how much and how long I have taken this body for granted. Staying grounded in my body is difficult for me. I dont know who I am, just yet; perhaps we are only ever that which we chose to identify with and beyond that we just are. But I notice it is good to feel and be mindful.
 

 Today I am at peace. Genuine, in my body, peaceful and grateful. I left the yoga studio surrounded by a calm stillness into the blustery morning. I covered my head and slowly walked back to the car savoring my morning breath and ....

 Breakfast. I served myself spinach greens and tofu instead of pastries and caffeine. Herbal tea. This is kind. Feeling less like beaten eggs! Saturday, my body. TYG:)